Stressor

If we take a look into the world we see both functioning and very dysfunctional families. The question I ask you all is what makes those strong, put together families? What are those of us who struggle doing wrong?

First, I think it is really important to understand that perfection is impossible in this life. I think most  understand that concept the majority of the time, but then we see that family in our ward or have that friend who seems to be able to keep all their ducks in a straight row all of the time.

 I can promise you that they don't always live a perfect organized life, and I am sure there are qualities that you have that they look in on and think, "If I could just be more like her/him!" People we must recognize the talents and gifts we have! We have every right to utilize them and magnify them, if we do so and give God the glory we are sharing his light! We all have trials in life wether they are our own or are by watching someone we love go through them. These could range from, moving, to death, surgery, natural disaster, major purchases, suicide or even attempted suicide, divorce, gabling, a change in job or possibly a loss of faith. These are just a few of many and each of us I am sure can look back in life and think of something hard we have had to face. 

To help understand how a strong family would face a trial I am going to make up a short story and apply some of the principles that help unify and strengthen a family...

Lilly is a twelve year old girl from Kansas. Every night before bed her family says family prayer. She hears her parents pray for each other and for every member of the family. She then goes and puts her PJ's on. Then heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She kneels at the end of her bed and follows her parents example and prays for others and asks for help. After climbing into bed her parents together come in and kiss her goodnight, and ask simple questions about her day. When she wakes up the next morning her parents sit her and the rest of the family down together to inform them that their Great Grandma Ruby passed away that night. Grandma Ruby lived across there street for a long time before she was put in a rest home. The family weekly would go and visit her. This hit Lilly really hard, as expected. The kids stayed home from school and shared stories of their grandma. That entire day Lilly was really quiet and kept to herself. That night as she followed the same pattern as the previous, she crawled into bed and her parents came in sat next to her. They asked about her day and how she was feeling. She looked up at them with tears in her eyes and and began to pour out her heart of how she was going to miss her grandma. How she didn't understand why God would take her away from the. Her parents were able to comfort her and answer her questions in a calm environment where the spirit resided. 

So yes... This story makes Lilly sound perfect, as well as her parents. The principles I hope each of you were able to pull from my made up story are, routines are really healthy especially when something new comes into our system or when something leaves our family we can still have consistency in our day. Lilly's parents had previously created an environment for their kids to have one on one time with them. It was not unexpected to have mom and dad come in and ask about her day. Another one of those family routines that is highly recommended is having dinner together, families that eat together stay together! 😆

I once watched a demonstration of how stress affects family life. The instructor had a group of individuals come to the circle and hold hands. He would talk about trials that one of the individuals was facing and then would pull on their shoulders. The entire "family" would brace for it. They each felt it. Dad facing problems at work would bring it home, mom being frustrated that the house is dirty and she has book club tomorrow, affects each individual of the family. All of us are going to face life, are we going to deal with it like the couple below.... 

OR... are we going to learn how to cope?! The definition of "cope" in the dictionary is, "to struggle or deal, especially on fairly even terms or with some degree of success, to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties." Coping does not mean life is just going to be full of calm seas all of the time. To explain I am going to share a picture of coping around a swimming pool. Its purpose is to keep the water in the pool, and to keep rain water or other objects out of the pool. Also it serves as a safety tool for swimmers. They can reach out and grab a smooth edge. Interesting fact about the coping material, it is baked at over 2000 degrees!! It is tough and pure. We need to be more like this coping. We need to set boundaries in our lives. We need to be able to be the coping mechanism for others to grab on to and also not be afraid of letting others grab on to us for help. As a family we watch out for each other.