Marriage??

To all of you returned missionaries or unmarried college students out there, how many times a day do you get asked if you are dating?? Engaged??? As we come home marriage is the next big step we are expected to take in our lives. My question is, is it something some of us run into quickly, because it is the "expectation" or are we really in love and ready for that great and beautiful step of commitment? This question is one I have thought a lot about. I have definitely felt the pressure to get married from those around me. I would stress about it constantly, I spent hours upon hours trying to figure out a solution. When in reality there was no need for a solution. I realized that my loved ones were simply trying to be involved in my life and I perceived it as I was letting my loved ones down.  I questioned myself and my ability to "fall in love." It took me a long time with much prayer and even multiple visits to the temple to realize it is perfectly fine to be 22, not married and be an active mormon!

In my family relations class this week we studied and discussed early marital adjustments. It was amazing to me how many couples end up in marriage counseling before they have even reached a year of marriage. I would love to share with you some of our findings of why they may have been in that situation. So often we go in to marriage so in "love!" What does love even mean? They love to make out, they love having someone that gives them their full attention all of the time, they love the idea of a happily ever after. Do we ever really think of how we are going to reach our happily ever after? Do we consider trials that we may have to go through in the future and communicate and have a plan of how to overcome or avoid certain trials. Do we think about the sacrifices that we are going to have to make for our spouse? I believe way to often individuals fall in love with the idea of being in love. They enter marriage with a lot of unclear expectations. 

Some trials we talked about in class that many young couple have come across are not what we would normally think would instigate an argument. I didn't realize that a lot of disagreements are over the temperature of the house, the way someone cleans the bathroom, where things get placed, opening the mail of your spouse or the way someone sleeps (snoring is huge)! These seem so small and unimportant and yet research shows they are brought up over and over agin. We also discussed some other possible daggers to a marriage, power struggles are common as is where to draw the line of what kind of personal things we tell our girlfriends/guy friends or even our moms. My teacher made the comment, if men spoke about their marriage like a lot of women due the divorce rates would be much higher than they currently are. I really thought about that and it made me sad realizing that it is very true. All of these unimportant, silly things can all be overcome by simply communicating. I am realizing that now while I am dating is the time to learn if they are against something like opening mail or how they feel about their future wife and her moms relationship. It was so clear to me that there can be so many lines drawn and problems avoided if we will simply ask questions and really get to know the person we supposedly love.  

This class has been a huge answer to my prayers. I know that I am not going to have a perfect marriage, but if I can enter a marriage knowing the silly corks about the man I claim to love my odds of a happily ever after are much greater. I also have come to realize that marriage is a huge commitment and entering into it ready is going to avoid a lot of tears on my part. I know that there are a lot of people ready to get married right when they get home from their mission or when they are 18 or 19 and that is perfectly fine, it is also ok for those of us who have not found that yet! The Lord loves us all and has a plan for each of us! Communication is key people!