Marriage??

To all of you returned missionaries or unmarried college students out there, how many times a day do you get asked if you are dating?? Engaged??? As we come home marriage is the next big step we are expected to take in our lives. My question is, is it something some of us run into quickly, because it is the "expectation" or are we really in love and ready for that great and beautiful step of commitment? This question is one I have thought a lot about. I have definitely felt the pressure to get married from those around me. I would stress about it constantly, I spent hours upon hours trying to figure out a solution. When in reality there was no need for a solution. I realized that my loved ones were simply trying to be involved in my life and I perceived it as I was letting my loved ones down.  I questioned myself and my ability to "fall in love." It took me a long time with much prayer and even multiple visits to the temple to realize it is perfectly fine to be 22, not married and be an active mormon!

In my family relations class this week we studied and discussed early marital adjustments. It was amazing to me how many couples end up in marriage counseling before they have even reached a year of marriage. I would love to share with you some of our findings of why they may have been in that situation. So often we go in to marriage so in "love!" What does love even mean? They love to make out, they love having someone that gives them their full attention all of the time, they love the idea of a happily ever after. Do we ever really think of how we are going to reach our happily ever after? Do we consider trials that we may have to go through in the future and communicate and have a plan of how to overcome or avoid certain trials. Do we think about the sacrifices that we are going to have to make for our spouse? I believe way to often individuals fall in love with the idea of being in love. They enter marriage with a lot of unclear expectations. 

Some trials we talked about in class that many young couple have come across are not what we would normally think would instigate an argument. I didn't realize that a lot of disagreements are over the temperature of the house, the way someone cleans the bathroom, where things get placed, opening the mail of your spouse or the way someone sleeps (snoring is huge)! These seem so small and unimportant and yet research shows they are brought up over and over agin. We also discussed some other possible daggers to a marriage, power struggles are common as is where to draw the line of what kind of personal things we tell our girlfriends/guy friends or even our moms. My teacher made the comment, if men spoke about their marriage like a lot of women due the divorce rates would be much higher than they currently are. I really thought about that and it made me sad realizing that it is very true. All of these unimportant, silly things can all be overcome by simply communicating. I am realizing that now while I am dating is the time to learn if they are against something like opening mail or how they feel about their future wife and her moms relationship. It was so clear to me that there can be so many lines drawn and problems avoided if we will simply ask questions and really get to know the person we supposedly love.  

This class has been a huge answer to my prayers. I know that I am not going to have a perfect marriage, but if I can enter a marriage knowing the silly corks about the man I claim to love my odds of a happily ever after are much greater. I also have come to realize that marriage is a huge commitment and entering into it ready is going to avoid a lot of tears on my part. I know that there are a lot of people ready to get married right when they get home from their mission or when they are 18 or 19 and that is perfectly fine, it is also ok for those of us who have not found that yet! The Lord loves us all and has a plan for each of us! Communication is key people! 

  

L...O...V...E...

I have been gone on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera this week. As fun and enjoyable as it has been I have had a lot of time to think about my loved ones back at home. I have also done a ton of homework on this cruise (I know... who does that!) And in the reading the part that stuck out to me the most was the different words that describe the different kinds of love. They were philia, which is the love between friends; storage, love between parents and their kids; agape, the feeling of love for an individual to act on the well being of someone else; eros, more than lust it is to have a desire to have sex with just one person. 

An example of philia in my personal life is with my friend Sabey. She goes to school in Provo and I live in Rexburg. We do not get to see each other very often, but when we do it  is like we never skipped a beat. It is one of those friendships that has been tested since the day we meant. We lived in the same ward and rode the same school bus. Less than sixth months later her family decided to move and I thought the end of the world had come. She lived all over and though every move and both of our missions we stayed close. I can honestly say that I love her and that I would do anything for her!

Storage is the one that is hitting on my heart strings right now. I love my family so much! It is interesting how not being able to talk to them and see them affects me. I have never questioned my parents love for me. My mom has dropped what she is doing multiple times  just to come and take care of me. My dad was the queen dad who never missed a competition (most girls can not say that.) I have been blessed beyond measure. 

To describe Agape in my personal life I will share a story. I was dating an incredible kid who treated me so good. I remember the day he told me he loved me I told him I loved him back and then later we were talking and I asked him what "love" meant to him. He told me respect and commitment. He asked me and I told him that I love him, but that I feel like there are different kinds of love. I did love him there was no doubt about it, but I  couldn't say that I loved him in the sense of wanting to run and get married. I felt agape toward him.  

Well I can't say I have personal experience in the eros area. I do know that it is something I look forward to. Loving someone so much that you want to be committed to just them. I think this relates right into the gospel. I think taking it to the next step and wanting to spend forever with one person for the rest of your life. 

For any of you reading this blog post. I invite you to tell someone in each of these categories how much you love them. Yes, you should be telling at least four people. 

Christ is true pure love. I know as we each come unto him and seek to feel his love and to also share his love we will find joy in this life and we will also help others to find it. I love each you!

Gender...

I find this topic captivating of my attention. I know it is something that is very touchy and close to many of our heart strings. I love God and I respect his law. In today's post I am not going to try to convince individuals that my opinion is right and theres is wrong. My desire is that we of all different beliefs can come together. I got thinking about it and asked myself the question, why do any of us care either way if someone is gay or lesbian. I believe it is because we care for the individual. We want them to receive of all of God's blessings or we want them to be happy with who they are. I recognize there are hundreds of ideas and opinions, but I have confidence that as we come to be familiar with the research that has been done on these topics we will come to peace. I am no expert on the matter! In my family relations class we have been discussing it. I love getting different ideas and being surrounded by so many open minded students. One thing we talked about specifically in class was when a child is growing up if she is female and is a bit boyish we call her a "tom boy," on the other hand if a boy is a bit girlish we automatically start calling him a sissy or gay. There is definitely a different vibe to each stereotype. I don't imagine that any of you would be surprised to know that there are many more men who are homosexual than women. I am going to share a link to a video we watched in preparation to coming to class. It helped me expand my vision. I grew up with an understanding that often times people are gay or lesbian, because of their genetic make up. I came to find out that we do not have research to back that up. What we do know that some men are more sensitive, they speak with their hands and are more dramatic. There are girls who wear baggy cloths and like to hang out with the boys playing sports. What many of us possibly don't now is that a large percent of people who are homosexual have been sexually harassed, many rejected by men, ( the video I shared the link to talks a lot about the perception of that specific person.) Pornography viewing was another one that they found common in many. These are a few of the many and not every person who is homosexual will have all of them, but they are things that have been found over and over again in the research that has been conducted. I hope this sparked a new thought or gave you a glance of expanding your view on the matter. I encourage all of you to go and study and become more learned.

I really wanted to share a little bit of what I learned with all of you. I testify that Jesus is the Christ. He loves each child with a love we cannot comprehend. I love studying the family and the different relations with in, because I feel like I come to know and understand my fellow brothers and sisters who many be "different" than me a little better.  Families are eternal!    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM    

Family Culture

In my Family Relations class this week one of our discussions was directed towards culture, specifically in family life. The definition in the dictionary for culture is, "The attitudes and behavior characteristic of a particular social group." At the end of class the question I was asking myself and the question I invite you all to think about is, what is the culture that we have set or want to set in our homes? For a long time when I heard the word "culture" I thought of food and different life styles people were living all over the world. This is not incorrect, but it is a very surface level understanding. 

It is interesting this class has made me think a lot about what I want the culture to be like in my future home. It is so easy to get stuck on where I want to be financially, what my social status will be, but what I really want to focus on is the culture and traditions that will be passed down to my family. I want my kids to know who they are and what potential they have in them as they rely on the Savior. I also want them to treat others in such a way that those they are among see themselves as something special, something Devine. I found a quote from a BYU Speech called Traditions of Excellence.  

"President Kimball has told of a time when he was meeting with church leaders in a foreign country where different ideologies touched their children. He asked how the parents were able to hold their children and keep them from evil. He said their reply was proper. We train our children in our homes so completely in the way of right and truth that the destructive, godless philosophies and heresies of their other teachers run off without penetrating, like water on a duck’s back, and our children remain true to the faith. [“The Family Influence,” Ensign, July 1973, p. 15]" 

It is obvious that we have a culture with in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It promotes a lifestyle to where we can be eternal, we can live with those that we love!I found this quote online when I typed in family culture, "Family culture is the unique way that a family forms itself in terms of rules, roles, habits, activities, beliefs, and other areas. " Culture is what makes us different, I can honestly say that the culture I was raised around formed me into who I am today. Education is important to me, because my parents made sure it was something they stressed as essential. I just wanted to share a few of these thoughts with y'all. I hope that you can take a step back at look at what you are creating in your home! 

One of the Greatest Blessings... Family!

My life started out this year in a bit of  an emotional rollercoaster. To try to help y'all see a little more clearly, I want to share a personal life event that happened to me and so many of my loved ones. On Christmas Day after church my uncle was out on his mink ranch moving snow. My cousin, who lived next door, realized that the loader my uncle was working on had been out there for quite some time in the same spot. The spirit was definitely with him and lead him straight to my aunt. Together they went out and found my uncle. He had been in a tragic accident. After hours of working on him and trying to bring him back, he was pronounced dead. I was at the hospital when the ambulance pulled up. I was there when the doctor came into the room to inform my aunt and her two young daughters that there was nothing else they could do. I watched as so many of my loved ones sat in the hospital and cried and morned together. Weeks have passed and I have witnessed the Lord's hand in this great trial.

   Many of you are probably wondering why I would choose this story to share. This last week we have discussed in my Family Relations class different Trends. There are so many that it would take forever to discuss each one of them. The one that I want to bring to y'alls attention is the increase in divorce rates. Just a little bit of information for you, the number of LDS couples getting divorced has gone up dramatically. Part of my goal in this post is to help inform members of the church to support those around them to fight for love. I know not all relationships can't work, but we must put in a good fight! It may be intriguing to some of you to know that 74% of people that highly consider divorce never end up following through with it. It is proven though that the kids of the couples who are divorced have a much greater chance of living in cohabitation or following through with a divorce. This being said 74% of the people considering divorce somehow realized they still loved their spouse, or found a reason to stay. It was interesting watching my parents after this tragic event. They held each other tighter, they now call each other more frequently through out the day. I love you are words used a lot more in our home. Sadly many of us don't realize what we have. Satan is deceiving, he helps us see all that we don't have. We become blind to what gifts are infant of us. I have realized that I take so much for granted. My plea to all of you who may be reading this. Hold those around you a little closer. Don't be afraid to be the first one every morning to express your love.You never know how long a "see you later" may be.
 

A List of my Fellow Bloggers!

Andrea Ashley Muse

http://alittlebitaboutfamily.blogspot.com

Hannah Westerlind

http://hraefamilyrelations.blogspot.com

Lauryn Larkin

http://laurynannettemcclain.blogspot.com

Kelli-Marie McNair

http://mcnairfamilyties.weebly.com

Kenzie Calderwood

http://kenziekate3.wixsite.com/mysite

Kaylee Crossley

http://kayleerene.blogspot.com

Madison Reed

http://www.myyoungwildandmarriedlife.com

Shelbie Merrill

http://shelbiefamilyrelations.blogspot.com 

Joshua Lapeyrouse

http://everything-and-anything-plus-more.blogspot.com

Amy Jacques

https://theneedtoknowthings-family.blogspot.com

Emily Nichols

http://emilymarriageandfamily.weebly.com

Natalie Jolley

http://ajolleylife.weebly.com

Bonnie Ferguson

http://bonniefamilyrelations.weebly.com

Caia Wheeler

http://waywheeler.wordpress.com

Amberlea Kay

http://amberleakay.blogspot.com

Leticia Calderon-Rios

http://lotsoflittlethings17.blogspot.com

Morgan Ogden

http://morgansfamilycoursereflections.blogspot.com

Karly Buchanan

http://familyrelationsbykarlyb.blogspot.com

Kelsey Trent

https://lipglossplusflipflops.wordpress.com

Melanie Chantry

http://myfamilyrelationsjournal.blogspot.com

Alyssa Wiley

http://the-ramblings-of-a-young-mind.blogspot.com

Megan Garner

http://www.garnstar.blogspot.com

Alayna Hudson

http://thoughtsaboutfamily.blogspot.com

Kayla Guy

http://kaylaguy4.weebly.com/blog 

Ryan Landes

http://ryanfamilyrelations.blogspot.com

Mariah Honda

http://eternalroads.weebly.com

Amy Jacques

http://theneedtoknowthings-family.blogspot.com

Sarah Knight

http://skfamilyrelations.weebly.com

Christopher Holden

http://relationsfamily.blogspot.com

Hannah Boots

http://familyrelationsb.weebly.com

Bailee Freeman

http://relationsfamily.weebly.com

Dorothy Sagiao

http://family2me.blogspot.com

Rachel Adela 

http://racheladela.wordpress.com

  

Hello Y'all!

My desire is that the readers of this blog will be able to see me as a friend, that we may be able share our ideas of family life together. A little bit about me. My name is Abbigayle Sue Shaffer. I am blessed to be named after my two heroes, my Grandma Sue and my Grandma Gayle. They are more than grandmas to me, they truly live up to the title of a best friend. I served a mission in the great state of Texas. They say that everything is bigger there... that was until I arrived! I am a small 4'9" package of dynamite! I grew up on a small ranch close to the border of Idaho and Utah. The "farm" life brought on a lot of work around our place and my parents were smart in bringing us together to tackle many of the different tasks. 

Marriage and Family life was not always my choice of study. It was not until I read a story of Presidents Eyring's younger life that I had a clear vision of what I was passionate about. This is an excerpt from the story that has forever changed my life. (Hal is President Eyring.)

 Hal often asked for his father’s assistance on math problems. When they were discussing a problem one day, his father paused and said that the problem was similar to one they had covered the week before and asked, “haven’t you been working on it?”

When Hal said he hadn't, his father responded saying, "you don't understand. When you walk down the street, when you're in the shower, when you don't have to be thinking about anything else, isn't this what you think about?"

Family is what I love. It is where my mind wonders to when I am "in the shower." I look forward to fighting for my true passion!